Here I will share my experience of my Kundalini awakening. If you’re unfamiliar with this concept then read my previous article ”Mystic Kundalini”.
Me and Shiva (a name for male tantra partner) at a seminar on Tantric massage. We started with morning breathing meditation. We needed a combination of three elements: breath, sound, and movement. Eyes were covered and we had to breathe very deep through the mouth. We were instructed to find our “own” sound and our “own” movement. Most people make animal sounds, mostly growling, someone howls, someone croaks. All of this seems useless and not for me. Searching for “my” movement by standing on my feet, then on all fours, then sitting. I decided that this is not for me either. It raised a very pessimistic question, what to do until the end of the hour? I decided to just sit in a lotus pose and try to squeeze at least something out of myself.
And then… As if some engine started moving my body from within.
And it was POWERFUL, so powerful, perhaps it would even be difficult to resist. Anyways, I’m not trying to resist - it’s very intriguing what will happen next. I suddenly realized that I couldn't find the movement, but the movement found me. The movements started as chaotic, but then they take a form of an infinity sign. This is very new and interesting! Then some sort of a tornado starts spiraling from my lower back - narrow at the base and widening upward like a funnel, the widest part ending at the level of the fifth (throat) chakra. This “tornado” starts twisting with incredible force and my body starts moving in a circle, as if inside this funnel. Then suddenly, like an elegant snake, a warm, sinuous wave start sliding through the spine upward from the loin. Pleasant and sweet. Then my sound found me too, it just broke out of me against my will. These were groans of bliss! A sensation of incomparable delight and pleasure flowed to my head, penetrating every cell and nerve. This was the rise of my Kundalini. On this day the world seemed to roll over: the sounds, visual perception, touch felt different. The special pleasure was caused by warm water of hot springs touching the skin, which enveloped the body with some kind of unknown caress. Everything became brighter, more intense, more pleasant. Something you can’t describe with human language. Divine, delightful, euphoric, nirvana, nonexistence...
After lunch - a practicing lesson on tantric massage, the satisfaction of Shakti (female tantra partner) under the slogan Happy Shakti - Happy Shiva. I feel the orgasm approaching, Shiva’s task is to keep me as long as possible at this line, without going over it. At some point the body can no longer resist, it simply disappears. I’m turning into something that’s very hard to describe, but can be compared to a flash, with a lot of energy or light. This light rises up, to the ceiling, into the sky, connects with the sun, illuminating everything around, and disperses into thousands-millions-billions of sparkling particles that fall on everyone around with a magical rain. That’s how I learned what "life particles" are, and can confirm that they are, just like the rumors say, golden in color. Very difficult to realize and even more so to express, a firm belief that the human language is poor, no words can nearly close describe this. Delight-delight-delight!
I am energy, I am light, I am LOVE! Teachers Steve & Lokita seem to be delighted no less than me. They fold their hands in namaste and bow to me, calling me Goddess. It's nice and amazing to hear it from such gurus.
I woke up in the morning, my heart beating fast, I can’t do anything, my hands are shaking so that I can’t even hold a cup of tea. After the Kundalini awakening, the energy beats from me, day and night, it becomes very difficult to get enough sleep at night. I decided to lie down again and … oh god! Waves of incredible bliss started flowing through me, every cell of my body began to open like a flower bud, and soak up in this bliss. It seemed as if I felt each one of the millions of my cells and was happy for each one of them, and they were smiling back at me. Sometimes the wave covered the whole body, sometimes went in some direction, but anywhere it passed, there was bliss-bliss-bliss. And sometimes two or three waves spread out in different directions simultaneously. I felt special pleasure in the Anahata (heart) chakra. Waves of pleasure sometimes gathered there, stimulating the blooming of thousands of gorgeous flowers. Instead of aroma, the flowers emanated bliss and spread it all over the body. For someone who never experienced through this, it's probably hard to believe, but the blossoming of the buds, the stirring of the petals, I felt it physically. I felt so organic in this process that it seemed that here it is - HAPPINESS - and in this condition, I can spend my entire life. That’s how I found out what whole body orgasm is. Although this earthly word “orgasm” seems too small and worthless for such heavenly divine sensations. For the first time I felt sincere gratitude to my body for these unearthly, one might even say, non-corporeal experiences. It all lasted 3 hours. I forced myself to get up to return to human life. I had to join the fight to subdue the Kundalini, which lasted a few more days.
Kundalini has calmed and hasn't been felt for a long time. Are there no more miracles? We’re in Alaska, in a Russian church. Shiva calls me to him and suggests to feel the energy of the place he discovered. Oh yeah! Here come incredibilities again. It started with warmth in my legs and back, then something starts to rock me like on a ship in a storm. Rocking hard, almost knocking down. Couple times I almost fell down, good that Shiva was close by to catch me. I try my best to stay up, the body copes with instability, but the rocking continues inside. Again, the force independent of me awakened inside me. It spreads out my body with uncontrollable trajectory, spreading bliss, joy, happiness, calmness, and delight. White light periodically fills my head and this light descends down illuminating all of me from inside. It seems that I could stand for ages like this, without any fatigue in my legs, because the sensation of the body was gone again. Sometimes I felt my back, my shoulders or my hair because something was touching them from outside and those touches were extremely pleasant. What was it? Spirits, angels? More like the wings of angels. But it didn't matter, the important detail is that the touch was felt physically and at first I even looked back to see who was touching me. This is how I felt a divine ecstasy, which did not leave me for a few more hours!!! Now I want to live my whole life in this laid-back state of bliss. My body was taken out of the church by two, almost by force, everyone was tired of waiting and it was time to move on. When Shiva and I returned to church the next day, the priest said that we are amazing and very good people and that this place is truly unique in the church.
At the moment (by October 2017) more than ten awakenings happened to me and each one of them was unique and delightful. I am infinitely grateful to the Universe for connecting me to this unique source of life, energy, strength, and inspiration. I am grateful to the very same book (read the previous article "Mystic Kundalini"), which correctly prepared me for this incomparable event. And I'm grateful to you, my dear reader, for sharing my memories with me.
Indescribable in words, you have to experience it to believe it.